My Apology to My Second Son

Dear Son,

I'm trying to be the best dad I can be. I know that you're only six months old and haven't lived that long, but there are a few things I want to apologize for. 

Your mother and I always wanted to have two kids. It seemed to be the perfect size for us. Two is affordable on our income. Two is physically manageable for us (so we thought). We were more than excited when we found out we were having you. 

Since your older brother is only a couple years older than you, I was financially happy knowing that we had saved a lot of your brother's baby stuff. When we found out that you were a boy, I got super excited, not because I wanted to have a boy (I would've been just as happy if you were a girl), but because we could save money by reusing many of your brother's clothes. (In retrospect, if you were a girl, we would've reused your brother's old clothes anyway. A good amount of those clothes are gender neutral.)

So I must apologize for you getting a lot of hand-me-downs. You may not care now, but you probably will as you get older. We're saving as much money as we can right now so we have more to give you later. Just because you get mostly second-hand clothes or (gently) used toys, it doesn't mean I love you any less. 

And really, to me, that's not what I wan to apologize mostly for. Since you're our second child, your "firsts" may seem less special because we've done those things with your older brother before. 

Taking you places is special, but I can honestly say it's different than how it was with your older brother. With him, your mother and I were first time parents; the experience was new to us too. By taking your brother places, we got to see the world anew through his eyes. It was exciting. 

But now when we do those same things with you, it's different. I'm sorry if it seems less special or exciting. I try to make it just as special because I know that it can't be exactly the same, it's going to be different. Before, your mother and I had one child to care for. Now with two young boys, the experience is unavoidably different. 

I want you to know, your mother and I are pouring our hearts into making you feel special.

And on top of my apology, I want to make you some promises.  I promise to give you as less hand-me-downs as possible, especially during the teenage years.  I promise to try not to compare your progress to that of your brother's.  I have to remind myself that every kid is different.  Also, I promise to try my absolute hardest to make all your experiences special, even if we've been through it with your brother already. 

Think of it this way: your mother and I have been dreaming of our family with two kids for the longest time, and now we have what we've wished for.  Now that you're here, we're excited for the upcoming holidays, family vacations, and other experiences to come and spend them with you. What we experience now is our first time experiencing it with both our boys.  It'll be different, and to me, that's special.

Love,
Dad

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